The League of Ordinary Derelicts

2025

Playoffs

Round 1

Hunt for the Championship

Hello, Tributes! It is officially our favorite time of year once again! The hunt for the championship and the hunt to end Scott’s three year long reign begins NOW. But, first I think it’s time to refresh you all with some of our unique rules and what is at stake in the postseason:

Bracket:

We use NFL rules for playoff seedings and matchups around here (what a concept, eh?). The highest seed remaining will always play the lowest seed remaining in the semifinal round and then the other two teams will be matched up. This is despite the way the bracket physically looks on the ESPN app. I will manually update this in the next round once matchups are final.
The lowest seed to lose in the first round will drop to the bottom of the loser’s bracket to play the loser of the first consolation game. The winner of the first consolation game will be matched up with the highest seed to lose in the first round. This will be same for the next round of the consolation bracket except that the two semifinals losers will be automatically matched up in 3rd-4th place game. This gives our seedings a bit more weight, and a chance for at least one of the two teams that did not make the playoffs to have a shot to crawl up from the cellar.

Champion:

The victor shall receive the right to hoist that beautiful new league trophy the generous Commish acquired for us last year. Whoever wins shall have their name etched into history on to the trophy and will get to take it home for a year long residence. Please don’t do anything weird with it, ok??? (I’m talking mostly to Chris)
Our newly crowned champion will also get the privilege of choosing at least one new rule change (Commissioner approved) for the upcoming season. This year we juiced up them big ol’ TEs per champion Scott’s request.
The champion will also have the power, if he or she chooses, to either decide the draft order or help decide the method in which we choose the draft order for the upcoming season. Last year we revived the draft March Madness, filling out brackets for the NCAA basketball tournament.
Finally, the champion will help the Commish decide what the last place punishment the following season will be for our last place team.

Loser:

Speaking of last place punishment… This will be “awarded” to the loser of the 9th-10th place game in Week 18. This is where seeding matters and losing in the first round puts you at risk the lower the seed you are based on how our bracket works as described above. Also, as mentioned before, this gives our two teams who missed the playoffs a chance for a bit of redemption.
The punishment will be a handicap toward the team to start the beginning of the next season. This year Kyle was made to auto-draft his entire team (which actually kind of helped him unfortunately).

Matchup of the Week

#1

Jeremy (13-2, 1st Mountain)

V

#8

Scott (5-10, 5th Mountain)

This is one of the biggest matchups in the first round in league history! Our three-time reigning champ somehow found a way to use to his greasy little mitts to crawl into the last playoff spot in the final week of the regular season, keeping his quest for immortality alive. I feel sick having to type that out loud. Bleh. Scott’s season was mostly a big ol’ stinker, and it seemed like the perfect ending to his long overstayed time as champion by missing the playoffs altogether. But, oh no, this wicked Mormon Magic just wouldn’t die. And he really had to stick it to the Commish last week with a decisive playoff clinching victory scoring over 300 points! YOU HAD ONE JOB CHRIS.

But… there is still hope… for the Wiener Dog Man, he cometh… Our big bad #1 seed Jeremy is the best hope we’ve had in a long time. Tying the record for most wins in a regular season at 13 (Chris, Laura, and Austin), Jeremy is ready to continue his warpath into the playoffs. All he has to do is keep dominating like he has all season, and we are FREE. A championship run in his second year and knocking off the reigning champ on his way would be oh so delicious of an outcome. For him AND me. Mainly the knocking Scott out part for me. Either way this first round slugfest is the highlight of the week, and maybe, just maybe, the Commish can rest well again.

Commish’s prediction: I pick Jeremy purely because I vehemently do not want to Scott to win any more games. EVER.

*Note: This was written before Jeremy made the terrible decision to not start Matt Stafford on TNF.

Bitter Rivals

#4

Commish (8-7, 2nd Pacific)

V

#5

Chris (8-7, 3rd Mountain)

It seems like these two arch enemies always find their way to each other in the playoffs. A few short years ago Chris suffered a humiliating defeat in the championship game to the Commish and he’s never really recovered since. The closest he’s been to redemption was last year as our #1 seed. But, even then he fell in the semifinals. A season sweep by the Commish has only amplified those doubts for Chris as they square off for the third time this year. The Shitheel has clear aspirations of absolutely tearing the Commish’s team apart and talking loudly and incoherently about it in the group chat. But, his aspirations have often left him hanging in the past.

The Commish rose from the dead of his first missed playoffs last year to put the league back on notice. This squad is stacked with superstars and high ceiling scorers, and it even gave Josh a run for his money in the Pacific Division this year. It was really sad to see our beloved Commish so down and despondent last season. I think we can all agree that the world feels right again when he’s winning. This might be our dark horse team for a magical little postseason run. Will his hated rival, the Shitheel, be able to stop him?… NO. The answer is NO.

The Commish’s prediction: I’M BACK BABY. DOES THE COMMISH SMELL HIS 3RD CHAMPIONSHIP???

Wizard’s Revenge???

#2

Josh (11-4, 1st Pacific)

V

#7

Jake (6-9, 4th Mountain)

This is a rematch of these two teams’ first round playoff game last season. Josh absolutely destroyed The Wizard last year, and honestly his team is only better while Jake’s team has been flailing as of late. The Wizard had a strong start to the year, but, just like his beloved Buccaneers, he’s now lost out at sea desperate for some kind of direction. It’s weird how his roster coincidentally took the same turn as his favorite team, right? Wrong. It’s not weird, it’s justice for being a homer. Also, FTC!!!!!!!!!

Joshy GM on the other hand has been our league’s top scorer all season, absolutely relishing in the premium TE scoring. He loves dem juicy TEs. This might be the best team he’s had yet heading into the postseason. And for that reason, I’m officially dubbing him the favorite to win it all this year. Sorry Jeremy, but maybe don’t make stupid decisions like benching your best QB in the most pivotal game of the year and you’ll be the favorite next time you have a historic season ok??? JFC… Sorry, sorry, sorry, this was supposed to be about Jake and Josh.

The Commish’s prediction: Josh gives the Wizard another first round exit and continues on his quest for that elusive first championship.

The Purple Mascot Club

#3

Kyle (8-7, 2nd Mountain)

V

#6

Austin (7-8, 3rd Pacific)

These two teams are so hard to pin down. Kyle has made a huge resurgence after a last place finish a year ago, but his lack of QB depth is a huge concern for a playoff run. It’s like a big cosmic fantasy football Black Hole. The gravitational pull of QB suckage is so strong that’s it pulling his phenomenal skill players down into the void some weeks as well. I’m also not certain how CMC has stayed healthy the entire year for him. It’s not like someone drafted him first overall last year and had to immediately put him on IR. I’m sure that person’s not bitter at all… A fully healthy CMC might be Kyle’s saving grace in then end. Uh oh, did I just jinx it?

The Krampus Magic has been wildly inconsistent this year. Usually Austin’s controlled chaos is a thing of fantasy football beauty. But this season the chaos may have finally gotten to him. Even 86 points from Kyle Pitts last week couldn’t score him a victory against the Commish. That’s some bad juju right there. Krampus might really need to dig deep into goodie sack of mischief to pull out a playoff run this year. Also, I do understand he just had a baby a few weeks ago and his focus might be somewhere else, but we also don’t make excuses for that kind of shit in this league.

The Commish’s prediction: The pressure is too much for Krampus and Kyle continues the best season he’s had in I can’t even remember.

Loserville

#9

Laura (5-10, 4th Pacific)

V

#10

Nam (4-11, 5th Pacific)

I’m honestly heartbroken about Laura just barely missing out on squashing Scott’s playoff hopes. Mostly for selfish reasons. She made a miraculous turnaround the last half of the season, but came up just short. This team was straight up cursed this year. The Witch was top three scoring all year and yet suffered an incomprehensible 8 game losing streak. That’s also some bad juju right there. All I have left to say is, better luck next year baby doll. *Wink

Oh, Nam. What a shame of a season after being so close last year as runner-up. The championship game loss hangover has taken full control. The fact that he was even alive to make the playoffs until the last week is absolutely insane. He won a game with one of his starting QB slots empty at one point! That’s some weird juju right there. Don’t worry, bud, the season is almost over and then you start planning early for next year.

The Commish’s prediction: Would I be silly enough to pick against my boo??? Absolutely not. Laura with an easy W.

May the odds be ever in your favor…