The League of Ordinary Derelicts
2024 Playoffs
Semifinals
The Cusp of Greatness
Merry Chrimbus to my merry little league! We are officially down to the FINAL FOUR! What a great holiday treat. A couple of huge upsets in the first round have led us to these beautiful matchups. Three of our four semifinalists are seeking a first championship while the other is looking to become the next dynasty. These last two weeks will test their prowess as an owner, and maybe a little Yuletide miracle will sprout its head along the way. A brand new shiny trophy and some newfound league champion powers await the winner! So exciting! May the odds be ever in your favor…
Dog Shit
#1
Chris (14-2, 1st Mountain)
V
#7
Nam (8-8, 3rd Pacific)
These two owners have been in the league quite a while now and both of them have fallen just short of that ultimate prize. Chris has absolutely tore up the league this year and barely had to break a sweat atop his shit throne. He did get some shit sweats going last week during his matchup against the Witch, but ultimately they subsided. Nam, on the other hand, was the favorite to win the Pacific Division most of the year until an absolutely horrid end of the regular season derailed those hopes and dropped him to the bottom of the seedings. Luckily for the big red dog, he was able to take revenge upon Pacific champ Austin last week and score the biggest upset of the opening round. A fitting time for an end to Krampus season. At first glance, this matchup seems a bit lopsided because of the Shitheel’s mighty lineup, but Nam might be catching fire again at the right time. Either way, one of these two will get a shot at their first championship come next week.
The Commish’s prediction: The Shit Storm swallows another victim on its way to total world domination. Nam still refuses to join the group chat in further protest.
Changing of the Guard???
#3
Josh (9-7, 2nd Pacific)
V
#5
Scott (8-8, 3rd Mountain)
The quest for the threepeat lives on as our two-time defending champ Scott survives another first round of playoffs. Josh, the mini shitheel, would like to stop this train dead in its tracks. For the sake of us all, PLEASE stop him Josh! Lay yourself on those train tracks and take one for the team damnit! Sorry for my small outburst… Scott started his title defense with a strong first half of the year being the last undefeated team. But then the laws of nature balanced him out and brought him back to a sense of reality and self-doubt. That didn’t last as long as I had hoped. This team has some high scoring potential, and I don’t like it. Now, let me say something to Josh. I was wrong. Ouch, that hurt. This team has won its last five games scoring a blistering 224 PPG! *Insert Commish’s face in sunglasses and sunscreen* Josh quietly built a nuclear force of a team under our very own eyes and we just let him do it. He may have just launched himself into lead donkey in this race (is donkey too mean? We’ll go with mule. Lead mule).
The Commish’s prediction: Josh gives the Commish the Xmas present he really wanted and ends Scott’s chances at eclipsing him in championships.
Loserville
Sorry guys, we don’t get a graphic this week. “It’s not fair Commish!” I know, I know. That’s the price we pay for not being good enough. And also because Christmas is on a Wednesday with games and there’s no way I can pull that off too. But, good effort to us all. At this point we’re all jockeying for position for next week’s final standings games. By virtue of being lowest seed to lose last week, Laura was relegated to the bottom of the bracket to play Kyle, who lost in the first consolation game. Commish moves up after winning that game to play highest seeded loser, which was Krampus Man. That leaves our two rookies whom had tremendous seasons to play each other in the other game. Lowest seeded loser will fall down to play the loser of Kyle v Laura for a spot in the dreaded last place game! *Cue spooky music* I also have a prize planned for the last place team this year… Muahahahahah