The League of Ordinary Derelicts
League Update
Week 14
Mountain Division Conquered
No one thought to begin the year that Mr. Shitheel would have the season he is currently having. Congratulations on another Mountain Division Championship to Chris! Also, he has officially locked up the #1 overall seed in the playoffs! This guy has shit talked his way to the top this year and honestly I’m a little afraid that this might actually be his year to win it all. What a horrifying world… But, alas, here we are staring down that possibility. But, let’s not diminish his epic season with those dark and scary thoughts. Chris has absolutely torched this league averaging a staggering 200 PPG this year. That might be the highest season average ever. We’ll see if he can keep that up with two games left in the regular season. Winning out would also tie him for best regular season record of all time. Good job, bud. Ok that’s all the praise I can muster for the poop logo.
A Clash in the Pacific
Austin (8-5, 1st Pacific)
Nam (7-6, 2nd Pacific)
The tides have shifted back and forth in this division race. Just a few weeks ago the Commish left Austin for dead after his team seemed to be an irreconcilable mess. Nam had been the lead sail in the Pacific for most of the season, but losing three of his last four games deflated his momentum. The stage is set for an epic finish for the division crown! Lucky for us, these two wage war this week. For Austin, it’s simple: win against Nam and Krampus is once again the ruler of the seas. For Nam, it is slightly less simple: win against Austin and win next week against the Commish. Nam has over two hundred PF more than Austin so even if they tie in record and head-to-head record, Nam has a cushion. The Commish loves the end of season drama! Do I smell a new rivalry brewing???
Playoffs Clinched
Jeremy (7-6, 2nd Mountain)
Scott (7-6, 3rd Mountain)
Jake (7-6, 4th Mountain)
These three teams may be out of the Mountain Division race, but their playoff journeys are about to begin. Our two-time defending champion Scott had a year of major highs and lows but leveled himself out here in the last few weeks to be in a prime position for a run at an unprecedented third straight championship. A huge congratulations is also in order for our two rookies this year for not only making the playoffs but also having two of the best rookie seasons of all time in this league. The Commish has seen many a rook come into this gauntlet and fail their first attempt, so kudos to The Wizard and Wiener Dog Man (new nickname?). Now the focus shifts for this trio to playoff positioning and giving themselves the best path to glory.
Life Alert
Josh (6-7, 3rd Pacific)
Laura (5-8, 4th Pacific)
Commish (3-10, 5th Pacific)
Kyle (4-9, 5th Mountain)
And, now, we find ourselves at the bottom of the barrel… Josh and Laura have the edge in clinching the last two playoff spots, but for Kyle and Eric there is still the slimmest sliver of hope. Winning their last two games is the easiest path to clinching for Joshy GM and the Witch. Actually Josh just needs a win over Scott this week to officially get his invite. Laura needs Kyle to lose against Chris and to score a win over her love the Commish this week, which would also officially eliminate him, so double nice for her if she can manifest that. Kyle would need to win both of his last two games and Laura to lose both of her games. The Commish, well, is it even worth it to mention what it would take for me to make the playoffs the worst season I’ve ever had? Absolutely not. I’m still reeling after “the Nick Chubb tackle incident". The fact that I’m even mathematically alive still with two weeks left makes is honestly ridiculous. I will go wallow in the corner now…
All right my lovelies, two weeks left until the big dance begins! Even though I may not be in the mix, I still love the competition, and I love all of you (most of the time). AND I am still your fearless, humble, brilliant, authoritarian leader with whom you could not survive without. As always, may the odds be ever in your favor…