The League of Ordinary Derelicts
League Update
Week 15
Krampus Rules the Pacific
Once again, Krampus Man has conquered the high seas! Congratulations to Austin on a miraculous Pacific Division Championship. I had written this team off weeks ago as it was marred by a series of seemingly insurmountable obstacles. But, as we have all come to know, the Krampus Magic is a dark and powerful force. And, when this dark magic is combined with the otherworldly athleticism (and godly thighs) of Saquon Barkley, nothing is impossible. Also, Nam really blew his lead in the division, like big time. This is Austin’s second time in the last three years winning the Pacific and he has officially locked up the #2 seed in this year’s playoffs. After finishing as runner-up to Scott last year, Krampus has some unfinished business as we head into the postseason. I honestly don’t know if this roster has the firepower to do much damage in the playoffs, but I will NEVER count him out until that final whistle of the final game blows each week.
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINKS
Kyle (4-10, 5th Mountain)
Commish (3-11, 5th Pacific)
What a truly sad sight we have here. The final two founding members of this league were officially eliminated from playoff contention last week after absolutely woeful seasons. This is the first time in the twelve year history of this league that your beloved Commish will miss the playoffs. What a free-fall for him just a couple years removed from back-to-back championships. How could this happen?!?!?!? Kyle, on the other hand, has missed the playoffs quite a few times, so he’s numb to this pain and can deal with it and move on. GET OVER IT KYLE. The only thing left for these two this week is to play spoiler and mess up the playoff seedings if they can win their final regular season matchups. I JUST WANT ONE MORE WIN, OK?????? Otherwise they must look forward to the loser’s bracket next week and trying to avoid the dreaded last place punishment…
The Playoff Shuffle
Jeremy (8-6, 2nd Mountain)
Josh (7-7, 2nd Pacific)
Scott (7-7, 3rd Mountain)
Jake (7-7, 4th Mountain)
Nam (7-7, 3rd Pacific)
Laura (6-8, 4th Pacific)
Everybody clap your hands!!! (Anyone get the reference??? ANYONE???) It’s time to do the playoff shuffle!!! Here we have #3 - #8 seeds all bunched up each just a game apart from each other. This last week should cause some chaos and the results will shuffle around the seedings and matchups. Only our top two seeds are locked in at the moment. Jeremy leads the pack (a wiener dog as lead of the pack??? Never thought I’d see the day), but his hold on the #3 seed is slim with Josh, Scott, Jake, and Nam still at play. Laura is currently the #8 seed and too far back to take over her brother’s spot, but she still has a chance to move up ahead of one of those aforementioned yahoos above with a win and some help. Honestly, this makes me pretty giddy seeing all this chaos about to unfold. So giddy I had to write this alone in a dark closet… I mean what???… Anyway, this final week is shaping up to be a grand finale for this grand season and the Commish definitely has his favorite children and definitely is rooting for some of you more than others. “Who???” you ask. I shall never reveal.
It’s Josh and Scott. I’m rooting against them.
POOP
Chris (12-2, 1st Pacific)
I didn’t have any reason to highlight the Shitheel this week as he has already clinched everything he could possibly clinch so far. But, I felt bad that he was the only logo left out. The loneliest poop. So, you’re welcome bud. You owe me.
Trading Rules Refresher
I also decided it was a good time for a little rules refresher regarding trades as we head into the playoffs next week since we have a couple teams already eliminated (BOOOOOOOOOOOO).
I did not set a trade deadline this year, so trades are still open to do, BUT there is a caveat. You may only trade with teams on your side of the playoff bracket. All teams that have clinched the playoffs may trade with each other still, but Kyle and I may only trade with one another. This will continue through the playoffs each round. Winner’s bracket contestants may only trade with other winner’s bracket contestants and same goes for the loser’s bracket. I will veto any trade that violates this rule.
I only bring this up because someone (Jake) tried to sneak a trade in with the Commish this week and my moral compass would not allow me to do this. Good job Commish!
All right my lovelies, enjoy this final week of regular season chaos before the big dance begins. I shall have another update next week for the start of the first round with all the stakes of winning and losing laid out on the digital table. As always, may the odds be ever in your favor…