The League of Ordinary Derelicts
2025
League Update
Week 2
What a start to the season, my lovely little league! Doesn’t it feel stupendous to be back in the throws of it all again??? The joys, the thrills, and, of course, the misery. This league is like an ever evolving organism, each year bringing new variables and new challenges. And, this season might be one of biggest challenges yet. Our devious three-time defending champ, Ol’ Scotty boy, decided right before the draft to absolutely JUICE the TE position and extend some love to an oft overlooked position. What a wild draft that was… This year has so much at stake and so many storylines I’m ready to explode guys! Like, burst all over this computer! Wait a minute, that didn’t come out right… Oh, well I already typed it. Moving along! Since we haven’t played enough games yet for me to accurately do power rankings, I’m going to instead take a dive into those said storylines surrounding this new Era of the League of Ordinary Derelicts.
The Quest 4 Immortality
Scott (0-1, 4th Mountain)
UGH. This section sucks. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. This summer I had to unwillingly hand that beautiful new trophy courtesy of Trophy Smack (no we’re not sponsored, yet…) to this guy. It was so disgusting having to see his name etched three times in a row on such a piece of art. At lest mine is also on it twice. Scott is on a quest so rare that it almost never happens in sports outside of maybe the UCONN women’s basketball team. Four championships in a row. The fact that it has been four long years since someone else was crowned champion is absurd and disturbing. I literally want to puke and cry at the same time. But, nonetheless, there is still hope. It will take a massive effort from all nine of us to take this beast down. But, together, if we use all of our combined fantasy skills, we might have shot. Think of us like a Fellowship. The Fellowship of the League. I’m obviously Aragorn because he’s the King of Men and Jake the Wizard is Gandolf because, well, he’s a wizard. So, I guess that gives Scott the part of Sauron. Ooooooooo, juicy (Lord of the Rings references for anyone who is uncultured). Sorry, long tangent. Anyway! Congrats to Sauron, I mean Scott, on all your success, but now it’s time to perish!
Redemption Tour???
Austin (1-0, 3rd Pacific)
Nam (1-0, 2nd Pacific)
These poor souls have been so close that ultimate prize. Austin and Nam are now both 0-2 respectively in championship games.
Playoffs Clinched
Jeremy (7-6, 2nd Mountain)
Scott (7-6, 3rd Mountain)
Jake (7-6, 4th Mountain)
These three teams may be out of the Mountain Division race, but their playoff journeys are about to begin. Our two-time defending champion Scott had a year of major highs and lows but leveled himself out here in the last few weeks to be in a prime position for a run at an unprecedented third straight championship. A huge congratulations is also in order for our two rookies this year for not only making the playoffs but also having two of the best rookie seasons of all time in this league. The Commish has seen many a rook come into this gauntlet and fail their first attempt, so kudos to The Wizard and Wiener Dog Man (new nickname?). Now the focus shifts for this trio to playoff positioning and giving themselves the best path to glory.
Life Alert
Josh (6-7, 3rd Pacific)
Laura (5-8, 4th Pacific)
Commish (3-10, 5th Pacific)
Kyle (4-9, 5th Mountain)
And, now, we find ourselves at the bottom of the barrel… Josh and Laura have the edge in clinching the last two playoff spots, but for Kyle and Eric there is still the slimmest sliver of hope. Winning their last two games is the easiest path to clinching for Joshy GM and the Witch. Actually Josh just needs a win over Scott this week to officially get his invite. Laura needs Kyle to lose against Chris and to score a win over her love the Commish this week, which would also officially eliminate him, so double nice for her if she can manifest that. Kyle would need to win both of his last two games and Laura to lose both of her games. The Commish, well, is it even worth it to mention what it would take for me to make the playoffs the worst season I’ve ever had? Absolutely not. I’m still reeling after “the Nick Chubb tackle incident". The fact that I’m even mathematically alive still with two weeks left makes is honestly ridiculous. I will go wallow in the corner now…
All right my lovelies, two weeks left until the big dance begins! Even though I may not be in the mix, I still love the competition, and I love all of you (most of the time). AND I am still your fearless, humble, brilliant, authoritarian leader with whom you could not survive without. As always, may the odds be ever in your favor…