The League of Ordinary Derelicts

2026

Power Rankings

Week 3

Season 14 of the Greatest League on Earth is underway with thrills and excitement galore! Welcome home my lovely little league minions. The Greatest Champion and Greatest Commish checking in (at the last moment per usual) for a fun little early season POWER RANKINGS. Is it too early to really pass judgement on our teams as they are finding their footing? No. This is a cutthroat world where we must react sharply and harshly at any given moment. And, this is my time to shine. With this week’s rankings I’m adding a little extra caveat. We all know ESPN’s draft ranking grading system is severely flawed and possibly beyond repair. So, to remedy that I’m not only ranking your teams based on performance up to this point, but also providing my super unbiased draft grades for each team. We have had zero trades so far and the teams are basically the same since draft day, so I’m going to put a grade on those draft day decisions now two weeks into the season. Again, VERY unbiased.

#1

Josh (2-0, 1st Pacific)

How did we let this happen?!?!? Josh is coming off a championship loss this last season to the Commish with a vengeance, and somehow we just all let him draft a ridiculous squad. This team has Bijan, Jettas, AND Amon-Ra! Why did no one else draft them??? Coming up short of a championship has really pushed Josh’s drive to conquer this league. And I gotta give credit where it’s due. And I also got my ass absolutely obliterated in our rematch in Week 1.

Draft Grade: A+

#2

Jeremy (2-0, 1st Mountain)

It seems like every year since he’s joined the league, Jeremy has one of the hottest teams to start each season. This team isn’t an overall juggernaut like Josh’s, but it does contain maybe the single greatest weapon in the NFL: Jaxon Smith-Njigba. This freak of nature is currently averaging 40 PPG in the first two weeks and has made the wiener dog man look like a genius. For that, I can overlook some of the other holes on this roster.

Draft Grade: A-

#3

Nam (1-1, 2nd Pacific)

Did I really put Nam this high??? This might be one of the best rosters I’ve ever seen Nam assemble, especially his starting QBs. Maybe drafting while on a plane is the secret formula? But, on a serious note, Nam should legitimately consider this strategy because this team is STACKED. Stafford and Allen at QB??? Excuse me??? And the skill positions are solid as fuck too. I really can’t DOG on him much (see what I did there???) I guess his bench depth is pretty weak and Saquon is a bust. I needed to say something negative too. Didn’t feel right.

Draft Grade: A-

#4

Chris (1-1, 2nd Mountain)

The Shitheel-Mahomes love story has once again been rekindled. Autumn is truly upon us. I don’t have the exact stats, but Chris might be in territory of rostering him more than any other franchise has rostered one player. Is this a secret inner desire to be a Chiefs fan?… Horrifying. But, this team honestly also has the horrifying potential of being a devastating three headed monster: Patrick Mahomes, Kenneth Walker, and Jamar Chase. The rest of his team is filled with a lot of young high potential high risk players. Sounds like a gamblin’ man.

Draft Grade: B+

#5

Scott (1-1, 3rd Mountain)

Is Scott even paying attention right now??? Is this the best that the three time champ has to offer??? He keeps forcing Puka Nacua into his starting lineup even though he clearly doesn’t want to play for Scott or the Rams. It’s a little brutal to watch Scott put Puka through these mind games. Otherwise his team is decent. Solid starting QBs and Ashton Jeanty has been as advertised. Oh yeah I almost forgot AJ Brown is out too! Use your damn IR spot Scott! I would’ve graded this team higher if it weren’t for these scandals.

Draft Grade: B

#6

Commish (1-1, 4th Pacific)

After a humiliating defeat to start the season, our defending champ was having some doubts. But, a decisive win over the Krampus Man once again set sail to his ego. The Commish is sporting a couple of high octane QBs in Burrow and Mayfield alongside a centerpiece from his championship last year, James Cook. The skill positions are solid, but not yet proven. Maybe the Commish reached a little in the middle rounds. Lucky for you all I am a humble Commish, so I shall give myself a humble rating.

Draft Grade: B-

#7

Jake (1-1, 4th Mountain)

This team isn’t as bad as his Bucs heavy team of yesteryear, but there’s still a lot of questions to answer here. The Wizard took a sneaky stat correction tie victory from Chris in Week 1 and then fell just short of Josh in Week 2. CMC and Bryce Young have definitely carried this team so far, and the WRs have super high ceilings. The Jayden Daniels injury is a major blow though. It literally feels like RGIII all over again. Why would you risk so much Wizard??? This team has a lot of potential but I’m also deducting points for being a Montana State Bobcats fan. Sorry, I make the rules.

Draft Grade: C+

#8

Austin (1-1, 3rd Pacific)

Another klassic Krampus team, full of chaos and wonderment. I give him points for drafting the Iceman and King Henry. Brilliant. But the rest of the squad is, well, concerning. This team isn’t flashy by any means in any universe, but it is full of often overlooked work horses who get a consistent score of 10+ every week. Boy the injury bug has really plagued Austin as well. I don’t think this formula for roster building is bad because we’ve all seen him wield his evil waiver wire magic to perfection many a time. I just can’t grade this team very high because on paper it looks like poopy.

Draft Grade: C-

#9

Laura (0-2, 5th Pacific)

Lady luck has not been on the Witch’s side these past couple of seasons. First of all, Dart was a BUST. Sorry, babe (I accept the consequences of the words I type). But, let’s actually start with some good instead. Dak and Ceedee look like a well oiled scoring machine and Gibbs is top 3 for RBs. She always has a magical knack for drafting top players at their position. Both of her losses were not neccessarily close, but the potential is definitely there! Now back to the bad. Skill position depth is ROUGH. Lots of middle to high potential scorers with low output so far. Not saying that can’t change. How much trouble am I going to be in for this?…

Draft Grade: D

#10

Kyle (0-2, 5th Mountain)

What do I even say about this team??? On paper it looks actually pretty good. In reality it’s hot TRASH so far. With Lamar, Maye, and McBride he only scored 120 last week! Not one player scored above 19! Perfect example of how sometimes a good looking team doesn’t mean success. Kyle was being a shallow bastard instead of putting in the research. This team has a lot of soul searching to do and I can’t even offer a positive thing to say. This is what you get for drafting Josh Jacobs! Also points deducted for being a Bobcats fan!

Draft Grade: F - - -

Who will reign supreme this week and boost their ranking??? Who will fall??? Only the football gods know. May the odds be ever in your favor…